I hate thinking. Especially right now. Because I think of you. Because I always tell you what I’m thinking about. But now I’m scared you wont see me the same and our closeness will fade. I hate thinking because i think of past situations. Things I could have done. Things I should have done. And what ifs. I think of present issues like whether we will stay the same or how to gain back trust or keep a relationship with my brother. I think of future things,like dreams…goals…family…and if we will be the same. Somehow…you’re in each one (nit the individual sub topics of each topic ut the main topic). And those are things that I think about a lot. And I think of my personal problems in the past and how you stood by me and helped the entire time. So thanks. But…one question is still unanswered. Will you abandon me?
Will what I told you affect our friendship? I kept it from you because I feared it would. Was my fear right?
As I lay my tear stained face on my tear soaked pillow I know I won’t sleep well tonight because this was as hard on me as it was on you.
You act like this is easy for me. You act like it is the end of everything. But you don’t realize how hard it is for me. You were my first and probably my only. We had plans,before I knew it all. I told you everything and got little in return. I don’t want to change you. But if this is how you want to be you don’t get me. You want me? Prove it. I need a 1 Timothy 4:12 kind of guy. I’m sorry. This wasn’t any easier on me than it was for you. I had no idea how to say it. I thought all day from the moment I got that text. You were my first….my only. And I won’t forget it. I know you said you can change…but how long will that last? You said you woukd stop that one thing and then I hear you didn’t. And even if you did change,would it be for the right reasons? You had the good qualities…but I can’t he connected to the bad ones. And I’m sorry.
I hate hurting someone…
It’s hard to accept the fact that you’re gone. I was deleting FaceBook pictures today and came across one from Glow in 2011. It brought back so many memories..of everything. Amd honestly,I haven’t been very happy today since that. Not just because we aren’t friends anymore…but because it reminded me of how much you’ve changed. But…I realized I need to let it go and move on. It just might take a while because I don’t think that you can ever truly forget someone that had such an impact on your life. From friend,to best friend, to crush, to friend,…to nothing. Sorry,you might be able to forget about me…but I can never forget about you.
Okay, sometimes you have to feel horrible to get the best feeling. Being ignored for months by someone that you thought was your best friend SUCKS. But when you finally decide to stand up for yourself and just quit trying, it feels amazing. But then, it hurts but also makes you feel better when they block you. Because, yeah…there’s no chance of anything getting fixed, but now you know for a fact that your suspicions were right and that you both understand each other. So…Josh…thanks. You made me feel a lot better (: Just wish I knew what I did. Actually, I don’t. Because I realize, you never wanted to be my friend. And if you did, you changed to much to ever want to keep someone that would have stayed. You went from the nicest person I knew, to one of the worst. If I ever see you, I want Steve the Penguin back. And the $2 I spent. Thanks (:
The Past ‘Friend’
My friend Makaila wrote this for me <3
You are strong
Stronger than I could think of being
I knew it all along
Only I had no proof,only a feeling
You are good
Better than most
And know you should
Because you knew this,and yet
You never boast
“I want the old you back,the new one sucks”
-A pic on FaceBook
I saw this and a million thoughts flew through my head with one common thing. Who. They were all about the same person. And sir,if you are reading this now,feel free to keep reading. You were my best friend. Remember the Hunger Games premier? Or New Year’s Eve? I do. That was just 5 months ago. You had already started to change,but you weren’t as bad as you are now. Now, our frayed rope is gone. Those loose ends I was hanging onto,aren’t knotted back together. I burned the rope,like I burned the bridge between us. Why? Because. I realized you may have been my best friend in 6th grade and maybe even 7th. But now, you hate me for no reason. It seems like you completely stopped caring about me when we realized my phone didn’t get your texts. But you didn’t try calling me. Or FaceBooking me. You just stopped. I tried talking to you on FaceBook. But you ignored me. You saw my message and closed the chat box. How do I know you saw the message? That handy little light gray phrase at the bottom of some messages. “Seen at _:__”. And now that I look back,I don’t think you ever really were my friend. But even if you weren’t my friend, I can still tell you have changed…a lot. So, goodbye.
The amount of time I spent on you still shocks me. But today marks the day of change. I’ve given up. If you want to talk to me, you can. But I’m not going through the trouble of trying to salvage our friendship. I thought you were my best friend. I guess I was wrong. So, thanks for lying to me for 3 years. Now I know I’m an idiot. Ill try not to do it again. Should I just delete your number and delete you on FaceBook? Oh wait, how would I know? You’re ignoring me. Right, I forgot. Sorry. Bye.